It was going to happen someday and it did today. I have to write it out when the wound is raw. I am learning to get back into mainstream society, and today was an excellent lesson, Murphy, life, or god, taught me.  Yesterday night, I saw Bruce Lee documentary on Star Movies, learned that he was a teetoller.  He’s my fitness ideal so I thought aaj se daaru band aur walking shuru, Dandi march, Gandhi another ideal.  I will get down midway, thanks to the 20Rs ticket and walk a few stops and board the bus again, to get me in Bruce Lee shape.  I sat this morning all dressed in my pink shirt on the forward seat. The BEST bus had this big convex rearview mirror and I could see myself in it, I thought it made me look super fat, I didn’t like what I saw.  That gave me all the more enthusiasm to put weight loss resolution #76 into action. Evening came and I put off the plan to yesterday, I was feeling low and hungry, very hungry, cos I had eaten a small lunch. The thought of getting down at a local bar tempted me, gosh 2 more days to go to the weekend.  That upmarket pub on the highway has Mondays and Thursdays, happy hours, get one drink free, the thought was so tempting and the satisfaction of diving into a bowl of spicy fowl and ethyl alcohol was dancing in front of my eyes. I reached the stop, a waiter was standing outside, and trust me he turned into a devil, with horns et al. I got scared, looked away, hunger was making me hallucinate. I remembered Bruce Lee again and said sorry to his soul. I decided since I was “loaded” I would shop away the money.

I had to get strawberry jam with real strawberries in them. I got down 5 stops ahead of my usual. Picked up breakfast cereals, Pepsi, jam, and what not, stuff I wouldn’t need. I usually calculate as I put each item into the bag and stay in a range, but my mind was too tired to imagine numbers.  There was a power failure at the mall, and the fans and ACs were not working, started sweating feeling hungry, and confused, my blood sugar was dripping in sweat. I filled out the shopping basket and proceeded to check out.  The grand total was 350 something. Since I had put 300+500 a couple of days ago in my purse, I was confident, I just about barely paid that bill. There were a few tenors in my wallet now. I picked up the heavy bag and started searching for dinner, as mom is on vacation and dad doesn’t cook much.

The chinese stall too had no lights, it was candlelight, mood was romanticly hungry. I asked the owner if they served half a chinese dish, he said yeah but only for rice, not for noodles or soup. I settled down and waited for eternity for my order to come. Just then the lights came back, I realized I MIGHT be short of paying even the 30-40 Rs for that cheap meal. I usually keep 100 +10 in my licence and some 500 or 50 hidden in my purse. I finished the meal and started sweating. I opened my licence and nuthing. Ok browsed through the ATM receipts and useless visiting cards and still nothing not even a ten rupees, shit.  I had some meal coupons from the company canteen but they were useless. I had 20 Rs and the bill was 30, fuck. I checked out the coin section, gladly a 5-rupee coin, a big 2 buck coin and two 50 paises, Goddammit. Now there was a family crowd there and the lights were bright, I risked losing my self-esteem. I thought of bartering something from my shopping bag maybe a Pepsi bottle, like a caveman, that would be even more embarrasing. I thought of keeping my bag there and hunting an ATM, very kiddish.  Just then I found two badly torn 1 Rupee notes, that I kept for luck or gifting somebody in additions of 11, I am not a good gifter. I was glad I could make it to 30, the waiter in shorts now was ready to give me a tip, he accepted the two torn 1 rupees out of pity and I got the hell out of there, drenched.  Luckily, I had the 20-Rs ticket so I didn’t have to walk home. Sulk.

Lesson learnt in life today, yeah 30 and still learning, visit your ATM regularly even if it is on another planet and you spend for rickshaw fare, kanjoos makhichoos me, VISA debit card never works. Always always keep 500 in your wallet for emergencies, and plan your shopping.

Ok reached home and saw 30 Rock, Tina Fey, is so humpable, her mouth….. 9:30 NDTV 24x7 documentary on public toilets (conveniences) for women in Indian cities by Paromita Vohra the second part of the series I saw from start to finish yesterday.  Hats off to her, after watching the documentary, makes you feel like quitting your job and buying a 3-CCD digital camcorder and roaming around the city making your own documentary.  Hell she went to the Sulabh toilet museum, BMC schools and the lack of toilets there, how school girls don’t drink water during their periods so that they don’t have to go Pee in a waterless loo, interesting link there between dropout rate and toilets.  A young woman asking two 50-year-old men why their hotel doesn’t have toilets for women. They actually get down to the difference of peeing styles between men and women, funny but thought provoking.  The end credits revealed that this documentary was funded by some Dutch organization for gender equality, very well edited, music was perfect, spontaneous questions and intense reactions.  Just switching channels, a girl in a Delhi Muncipal school was molested when she was going to pee, so prophetic.  I think we need more toilets, if our country has to advance, and yeah more ATMs too J.